I'm not Sick, I Swear
by ITookTheCookiee
Summary: "I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I'm okay. I am NOT crazy." 17 year old Bella has spent her entire life surrounded by these voices. After a serious meltdown, her parents decide to send her to an insane asylum against her will where she makes an unlikely friendship. But the real question is, is she really hearing these voices or is it something more... supernatural? All Human.
1. Prologue

_**Note: Title changed from "I'm not sick, I'm Okay" to "I'm not Sick, I Swear" **_

_**All the characters are human.**_

_**Warning - Bella displays symptoms of mental illness.**_

_**Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**_

_**Prologue**_

_I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I'm okay. I am NOT crazy._

_I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I'm okay. I am NOT crazy._

This chant repeats itself in my mind like a mantra, pounding the sides of my skull as I scamper on.

The incessant beats of my heart increase in speed, perspiration clings to me like a bur and my breaths grow hoarse as my adrenaline spikes. The blaring of the alarm continues to assault my ears as I dash down the dark, foreboding halls.

Sounds of disillusioned bloodcurdling shouts resound down the halls causing the harsh reality to come crashing down on me.

_He _was near.

That demented 'doctor' with his large words and rehearsed speeches that make me shudder.

That was it. I wanted out. They could not keep me here and I would not let them any longer.

Freedom was close.

Somewhere in my sub-consciousness, the concept of "freedom" personified. I could almost grasp it. I could almost smell it. It smelt like blue lotus flowers ripening in the late evening sun as its last rays lingered on the intense beauty that the misty midnight blue petals portrayed. It smells like fresh spring water, not rainwater. Rainwater seemed polluted by mankind somehow, but the crisp smell of spring water – it was untainted by the horrors of humanity with their ideas of 'normal'.

Freedom.

It was… pure, unpolluted and _oh_ so close.

Their ominous footsteps are fast approaching. They are getting closer, and they could easily catch me.

I begin to slow down.

"Bella, just keep going."

I look to the side and see Natalie smirking as she effortlessly jogs beside me and I feel optimistic again. I'm not alone.

No one can ever see Natalie except for me, but I never questioned it.

The doors, I can see it.

I allow the foreign feelings of hope to wash over me. It radiates out of my pores and increases in size the closer I get to the door. The door meant Freedom. Freedom meant hope. Hope meant happiness. Happiness meant-

Five pale fingers grip my sickly thin arm.

As they tighten their grip and yanked me backwards, I feel my feelings of hope and happiness wash away as I am abruptly brought into reality.

Natalie stares back at me with fear.

The truth of what I had done begins to personify; it showers over me as the idea of freedom continues to drift away, out of reach.

Stupid. I was so _stupid_.

I begin to scream. Blood curdling screams as I reach out to Natalie to help me.

"She's screaming about_ her_ again. She's unstable. Inject the anesthetic." He calmly orders to the security guard that's retraining me.

Hesitantly, I lift my eyes to look at the doctor but I wasn't even allowed to before a sharp pain submerged me into blackness...

* * *

Bright.

The room radiated brightness. So bright that the vivid rays emitted from the plain white walls surrounding me penetrate my eyelids and into my long forgotten consciousness – coaxing me away from the unfulfilled wishes that associate itself with blissful sleep. Rays of sunshine seemed to be shining through the minuscule window at the corner of the room, directly onto my closed eyelids. Sleep had taken no time in its task to secure me in its grip and it was in this sleep-induced haze that I realise that the sun had finally made a long-awaited appearance.

I take a deep breath.

A rush of cool air crawles down my dry throat, venturing through my lungs. My sense of awareness and consciousness becomes more apparent with every breath and it's when I open my brown, yet bloodshot eyes that I remember that I had never been able to achieve any sense of freedom.

I had lost.

I try to stretch but seemed unable to. I peer downwards and sigh at the feeling of the straitjacket tugging my body as if I was a threat.

I'm not.

I'm not sick.

And I'm definitely not crazy.

So I don't need to be restrained like this; I was no threat.

I peer around for Natalie. She's nowhere to be seen.

I sigh.

I knew she'd pop up sometime. She always did.

* * *

Seconds turn to minutes and minutes turn to hours. With no sign of a clock in this room, the minuscule window at the corner of the room is the only way that I know whether or not the murky night is approaching.

"No I-

"What ar-

"This i-

Bit by bit, the foreign voices grow louder and louder.

Fragmented pieces of conversation seems to pound against my ears.

Louder. _Loude_r. LOUDER.

This is too much.

I feel my breathing start to become laboured as I bring my legs up in a fetal position and begin to rock back and forth.

I resort to singing nursery rhymes that my mother would sing to me as a child to calm myself down.

"London bridge is falling down…" Back and forth I rock.

"Falling down…" Back and forth.

"Falling down..." Back and forth.

"My fair-" The tears, blistering hot like fire streams down my distraught face.

I don't belong here.

I'm not crazy.

I'm normal.

Absolutely normal.

What is normal anyways?

Why does society have these strict set of rules and if you don't live up to them, drag you up to thi- this _place_ without giving you any choice?

Where is Natalie?

Why won't these voices just stop?

"SHUT UP!" I scream as I fruitlessly attempt to wipe my tear-stricken face on my shoulder.

I begin to rock again.

"Ring around the roses," back and forth.

"A pocket full of pos-"

The door pounds open as Dr. Cullen finally enters.

He has a needle.

My eyes widens in fear.

"Please let me go, I'm not crazy." I plead with him.

"I am afraid I cannot Isabella. You are not stable enough to go into the outside, and besides," he chuckles to himself with a demented smirk playing at the ends of his lips, "I still need you here to help me."

I shudder and my fear quickly turns to desperation.

"I'm not crazy. I swear!" I shriek as he strides closer with the needle.

"PLEAS-"

The last thing is I feel is a sharp pain as I start to fall into unconsciousness.

_I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I'm okay. I am NOT crazy._

_I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I'm okay. I am NOT crazy._

_I'm no-_

**A/N- Please review and tell me what you think! I would really appreciate it!**


	2. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

_Their words, mostly noises_

_Ghosts with just voices_

_Your words in my memory_

_Are like music to me_

_I'm miles from where you are_

_I lay down on the cold ground_

_And I, __I pray that something picks me up_

Snow Patrol - Set The Fire to The Third Bar

**Chapter 1**

As soon as I woke up for school that morning, I just knew that it would not be a good day.

If I had known what I knew now, I would have ignored the persistent screeching of my alarm and snuggled further into my comfy bed, feigning a cold so that mom and dad would let me lie in.

But ever the stubborn person I am, I yank the covers off of me and sit up as I let the shock of the chilly September air from my open window next to my bed startle me awake.

I put my game face on; I have a day to face.

"Are you just going to just sit there staring at the wall all day or are you going to get ready for that hellhole you call school?" Natalie's shriek of a voice vibrates against my eardrums as I acknowledge her presence with annoyance.

I chose not to respond.

It's too early for this.

Not until I had some coffee in my system at least.

"So you're ignoring me now? Isabella Marie Swan I am talki-"

Ignoring her chatter behind me, I rush into the bathroom, shut the door in her face and got ready for the day before I then follow the scent of bitter coffee downstairs and pour myself a cup, letting its sharp taste fuel my energy. I am going to need as much energy as I can get if I am to face yet another day of school.

"Hey honey," my mom, Renee, greets me with a small smile. Behind my mom is a picture. It's all smiles and clasped arms as my mom embraces my father Charlie, her swelling stomach facing the camera and I am once again shocked at how much she has aged.

Well how much they have _both_ aged.

Her face, which looked so young and youthful in the picture, is now an image of wrinkles and graying hair.

A pang of regret resonates against my chest as I try to think of how stressful it must have been raising me with my uh- _problems_.

"Hey mom," I try to smile back, attempting to clear my thoughts, but it must have come out as a grimace as her face morphs into a frown before she turns back to the breakfast she was preparing without another word.

She never asks how I am anymore. I always thought that she might have been tired of me, but I always reprimanded myself for thinking that.

She was my _mother._

She couldn't get tired of me - could she?

After she is done preparing breakfast, we eat in silence as I ignore Natalie who is _still _chatting behind me.

I'd learned not to acknowledge her presence in front of my parents.

* * *

_8 Years ago_

_Up in her bedroom, a ten year old girl is having a tea party with her best friend Natalie. The two ten year olds giggle as imaginary tea is poured and sipped._

_"Why thank you Lady Bella," Natalie says in a poor attempt at a posh accent. The pinky finger of her hand holding the cup is pointing upwards and the two girls burst into giggles yet again._

_"You are very welcome Lady Natalie," I answer with a bow. We are both dressed up in our best princess dresses with the biggest smiles on our faces._

_"Bella honey," my mother enters my room with a small smile, "Are you alright? I heard laughing."_

_"I'm fine mom," I giggle again and turn to Natalie who is all big teeth and goofy grins. "I was having a tea party with Natalie. Would you like to join us?" _

_The sight of my mom's pale face wipes the smile from my face as she makes her way towards me. _

_Her eyes are wild._

_"Natalie? No Natalie does not exist baby don't say that!" She shrieks._

_"Sh-she is mom, she right here-"_

_"No she is not!" She interrupts, "She is imaginary and you are too old for imaginary friends Bella, so stop this right now!"_

_My mouth trembles as she leaves the room with her hands tugging her hair and without a second glance back at my shaky form. The sound of the door slamming is like a trigger as the tears begin to spill down my cheeks._

_That was the last time I mentioned Natalie in front of any of my parents._

* * *

I shake my head as I try to clear my thoughts yet again and peer up at the coat rack.

It's empty.

That meant that my dad had already gone to work. He's always at work these days.

I quickly check my phone and my eyebrows shoot up as I register the time.

_8:11_

_I'm late!_

I quickly scoop up my empty plate, wash it, pick up my bag that I had already packed the night before and rush out yelling a quick bye to mom.

I catch sight of my rusty Red truck and can't help the smile pulling at the corners of my lips as I jump into the baby that was my truck before I turn the ignition and shoot out to school.

"You see, I was telling you that you were late before, but you were too busy ignoring me to care!" Natalie shouts in her tinkling voice as I pull into the school parking lot.

As soon as I park, I turn to her.

"Listen Natalie, I _really _wanna catch up on what's been going on during the last 7 hours I was asleep, but I have school, which you don't have to go to since nobody can see you anyway, but I would _love _to talk later." I finish with a sarcastic smile before I realise that I was placing my anger on having to go to that hellhole on her and suddenly feel guilty for the second time that day.

"Natalie I'm sor-" I start.

"Don't even bother," she interrupts me as she disappears with eyes low and arms closed in on herself.

Maybe it was the stress of fighting with Natalie, or being late, or my guilt towards my parents that made my more highly acute to the other voices I had been hearing all my life.

I really should have stayed in my truck that day.

But I didn't know what was to happen; so as soon as I leave my truck and the familiar faint mumbling I had grown accustomed to made its way to my ears, I ignore it like I usually did.

But instead, the voices grew louder.

"Did you see tha-"

"I saw yo-"

"No that di-"

The voices turn to screeches as I try to cover my ears in vain.

The voices, like hot iron burns its way into my ears as hot as blazing fire. It pounds its way into my skull and is relentless in its quest to smother me with pain.

I don't know how I could feel it in the midst of all those voices, but I could feel the stinging pain on my kneecaps as I fall onto the cold, damp ground below.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that people would be surrounding me. Most in amusement at the expense of the school freak having such a public meltdown.

But I just don't have it in me to care.

It's these voices.

They're so _loud_; and they would just not _stop._

_Stop._

_STOP._

"STOP STOP STOP!" I could hear a distressed voice screeching and it takes me a second to realise that the panicked voice is mine.

I had never reacted like this before.

_Never._

But my voice is nothing compared to the flurry of voices that are still pounding against my skull.

These voices are the last thing I could hear before everything went black.

_I knew it would not be a good day._

**A/N- Thanks for reading! I've got a lot of interesting ideas for this story that I hope you guys would enjoy! Thank you for the reviews, faves and follows! They encourage me to update and could you guys please review this chapter to give some feedback on it and maybe recommend this story to anyone?**

**Thanks for reading! Until next time :)**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N-****_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**I'm planning to post at least once a week so I hope that's alright with you guys. Also, I recently added a flashback to the previous chapter that would help this chapter to make more sense if you haven't read it yet :)**

_I'm faking glory_

_Lick my lips, toss my hair_

_And turn the smile on_

_And the story's brand new_

_But I can take it from here_

_I'll find my own bravado_

Lorde – Bravado

**Chapter 2  
**

_Beep…Beep…Beep…_

"I just can't deal with this anymore Charlie, I just don't think we can help her at home. None of us know what we're doing and sometimes at night, I swear, I can hear Bella talking to _her_." I can hear the broken voice of my mother whispering as I gained consciousness, it's faint, but I can hear her.

_Beep…Beep…Beep…_

What does she mean by her? Is she talking about Natalie?

"It's alright Renee, remember what the doctor said, they would be able to refer her to Dr Cullen's psychiatric hospital. It's the best we can do for her. She's a lost cause."

Wait. What?

Lost cause?

No he didn't. My dad wouldn't say that. Although my mind refuses to believe it, the feelings of hurt and anger still pours over me as I struggle for breath.

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

"Charlie her heart monitor is going crazy! Call a nurse or something!" Renee's frantic voice calls out as I hear a door opening and then closing.

"No.." I croak out, "No, I don't need a nurse." I manage to say, my voice stronger.

With all my strength, I open my eyelids and am almost blinded by the bright room before I quickly shut my eyes again.

Why are hospital rooms white?

I open them again and am met with the concerned gaze of my mother as she gives me a smile that's all shaky and hesitant.

"How are you feeling honey?"

Honey.

That term of endearment that once brought feelings of being loved now left a bitter taste in my mouth.

The door is quickly flung open as Charlie enters the room followed by a doctor, but my heart rate has already decreased so there is no need for any alarm.

"Hello Isabella, my name is Dr Platt." He introduces himself and I make sure not to look at either of my parents. "You seemed to have taken quite a fall earlier, how are you doing?" He asks with a smile that's all laced with feigned kindness and filled with apathy as he looks over an x-ray of my skull.

"Well," I face him with an icy stare, "just peachy."

"Uh, good" he clears his throat, "You're x-ray shows no signs of any head trauma but just in case, I would just like you to look into this torch."

He shines a light in my eyes that makes my vision all blurry when he's done, gives me a rueful smile then proceeds to touch my head to see if I had any pain which I answer with no.

"Okay, you don't seem to have a concussion, but I will still prescribe some painkillers for when you leave, just in case of any pain." He gives me one last apathetic smile before he strides out of the room with an air full of authority.

"Bella, are you feeling alright after your uh-episode?" Charlie asks as soon as the doctor leaves.

I sigh.

I'm tired of playing these games; so I take control.

"You are putting me in a crazy home aren't you?" I go straight to the point, no more jumping around and acting.

"No.. I mean yes."

"I get it; I'm not exactly the model daughter you all wanted." I answer faking complete indifference, even though on the inside, I'm tearing apart.

"No that's not it, and you know that," his voice rises in exasperation as he grows desperate to defend himself. "We cannot handle you anymore Bella! You need help and you won't be getting that from us. We are tired of having to baby you. I mean you're 18!" He takes a deep breath as he visibly tries to calm himself down. "We shouldn't have to worry about what would happen to you every time we leave you alone. You need to grow up and stop relying on us because we give up trying to help you Bella, you're a lost-"

He stops himself as he realises what he's going to say.

"Lost what dad? Cause? I heard you say it earlier, no need to sugarcoat it." My voice is laced with bitterness as I look away from his prying eyes.

I turn to my mother in search of something in her expression to show that she still cared about me.

_Anything._

She just looks back at me with a blank expression.

She isn't going to defend me.

She agrees with him.

And among the constant buzz of the voices in the back of my head; among the heavy breathing of my father after his speech; among the stillness and iciness of my mother's gaze, I hear my heart breaking under the immense strain of the hurt and betrayal.

"Please, just leave. I'll go to that place, but please just leave me alone. I need some time to digest this." I mumble, not looking at either of them, holding back the traitorous tears.

The echoed sound of the door closing signals their departure.

That is all it took for the shaky sobs to take over my body as I feel my world come tumbling down.

Natalie isn't here; she's still angry with me.

I'm all alone.

Alone without the love from my parents.

Alone with the anger from Natalie.

Alone with these _voices_.

Maybe I belong in that place after all.

**A/N- ****Thank you soo much for the reviews, faves and follows! I also want to say thank you to '****xxorla1412xx' for helping me brainstorm the ideas for this story and if you have time, you should check out her stories!**

**I gotta ask you guys, should I have the next chapter being when Bella goes to the psychiatric centre or should I do a chapter in Edward's POV? And what are you guys' guesses on how Bella is going to meet Edward? Do you guys think he's going to be another patient? Or maybe a junior doctor there? Or… :)**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N-**_**Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**_

_**All the characters in this story are human.**_

_I'm sitting in a room made up of only big white walls_

_And in the hall, there are people looking through_

_The window and the door_

_They know exactly what we're here for_

_Don't look up, just let them think_

_There's no place else you'd rather be_

Paramore - Fences

**Chapter 3**

Two days.

I have been here for two days now.

Two days filled with indifferent parents signing papers, health checks by nurses with an air of feigned kindness, with a myriad of voices pounding against the back of my head and with no Natalie.

It is also the day I met Dr. Cullen.

I was awoken out of my stupor by the sound of the door to my room unlocking as he let himself in with a smile and grace of one with such sophistication and kindness, it instantly made me uncomfortable.

I didn't trust him.

"Isabella Swan, my name is Dr. Cullen. How are you today?" He asks as he goes to take a seat in the chair at the corner of the room with such ease and confidence.

"I am okay," I answer. I figure that answering him as simply as I could manage to would get him to leave faster. Undeterred by my short answer, his permanent smile remains etched on his face as he continues to stare at me with such intense scrutiny. My face starts to heat up as I feel him assessing me with his gaze; my instincts are screaming for me to get away – fast.

I stealthily glance at the door - it's unlocked.

But how can I run when he is closer to the door?

I peer at the door again as a plan starts to come to fruition in my mind.

"If you are trying to come up with ways to run away, I wouldn't try if I were you," he laughs, interrupting my musings as I quickly fight to compose my features to convey a sense of complete innocence and shake my head in denial.

He doesn't seem to believe me.

"Nevertheless, onto the topic at hand; Isabella, I am here to discuss your file with you. It states here that you are hearing these strange voices. Would you care to elaborate on that?" He picks up his pen, eager to make notes.

A little too eagerly actually.

"No that explains all of it." I reply simply.

He sighs in frustration and pinches the bridge of his nose; his calm façade beginning to fade.

I gulp.

"But what do these voices say? How many of them are they?" He asks frantically, releasing his pinching hold on his nose.

"I don't kno-"

"No you do know!" He stands over me, tugging on the ends of his hair as he starts pacing the room, his breaths getting deeper as he attempts to calm himself down. "Just tell me who they are Isabella and your life here will be much easier." His icy blue eyes seem to flash as his sickeningly calm voice only proves to intimidate me even further.

But I'm not going to give in.

"I don't know who they are. I'm a crazy person! I just hear these voices; I don't know what they say and I don't know who they are, only that they are voices." I cry out, hoping my panicked voice would show him how crazy I am.

Well how crazy I want him to _believe_ I am.

"That's the thing," he comments, the corners of his mouth pulling up to form a menacing smile. "These aren't 'just voices', it has been documented that you have fainted because of the enormity of these voices. This is much bigger than a textbook illness."

My eyes widen as I process what he says. What does that mean?

He strides to the door but right before he opens it, he turns back, eyes flashing.

"I still need you to help me Isabella," he sighs as he registers my confused gaze, "I will not tell you the details, but I am now certain that you can help me and only when you successfully help me is when I will discharge you." He finishes with a smirk, seeming to share a private joke with himself.

I can feel his unflinching gaze make the goosebumps on my arms stand on end as his blue eyes burn their way into my brown orbs before he leaves.

As soon as I hear the door lock, I feel the claustrophobia creep in. It winds itself around my legs and clings onto my arms, smothering me in its relentless hold.

I hysterically pull on my hair as I fix my panicked eyes around the room.

"Natalie where are you?!" I cry out, the feelings of loneliness taking its hold over me, clasping its hold on the base of my neck as wracking coughs take over my frame. "You cannot leave me here alone Natalie! Do you hear me?" My voice grows desperate as I attempt to stand up from my bed, only to stumble onto the harsh ground below, the weight of my pure anguish pulling me down.

She doesn't answer.

I punch the ground as the sobs begin to take over me.

I suddenly realise where I am and stare intently at the door in hopes that no one had heard and would enter.

After a few minutes of utter silence, I sigh in relief.

Nobody had heard.

I glance around the room one last time before I stumble into my bed.

If I had attempted to properly look around my room though, I would have noticed the hole in the back of the cupboard.

Big enough for a camera lens.

**A/N- **_**Thank you to 'Krazyk85' for helping me with all the background info on psychiatric hospitals; you guys should definitely check out her stories :)**_

**Sorry about the late chapter, but thank you for all the reviews, faves and follows! You guys are awesome! Please review and tell me what you think! **

**Also, what do you guys think of Dr. Cullen? Did you guys like the ending of this chapter?**


	5. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**A/N- I have edited the previous chapters so that the story is now written in the present tense.**

_I don't believe my ears and I'm scared of my own head_

_I will deny you for years and I'll make you raise me from the dead_

_And if I said that I would live for you for nothing in return_

_Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Gullible, but lying's all I've learned_

_So be concerned_

Twenty One Pilots – Be Concerned

**Chapter 4**

I'm tied up. My arms bound to my body and my legs are wrapped up in impenetrable rope. Trying to escape is fruitless, but I still struggle against it. Rope marks, red like murky blood begin to tarnish my skin as evidence of my fight against it, but it still resists, not breaking, not loosening and not bearing any marks from me. It seems undeterred by my growing panic as the task grows more and more futile with every passing second.

_Tick…tock…tick… tock_

The seconds continue to tick by, taking my sanity with it.

"You _will_ help me." His strangely calm voice whispers.

His blue eyes pierce into me, cold as ice, as manic as thunderstorms.

I struggle even more, my frenzy to escape taking over me.

My heart continues to thunder in my chest as traitorous tears begin to trickle from the corners of my eyes.

I hear a scream. A piercing scream filled with anguish.

"NOOOOO…!"

It's mine.

* * *

"What was that all about?" She asks as I jolt awake. My already panicked heart begins another round of manic pounding as my wide eyes attempt to locate her.

I stretch my arm beside my sweaty head and turn on the lamp. The slight stream of sunlight coming out of the small window above was doing nothing to light up the room.

She's there, standing with her hands on her hips.

Natalie.

A smile begins to stretch across my face as I rub my eyes to make sure I'm not still dreaming.

I pinch myself just to make sure.

She's still there.

"Natalie..?" I croak out.

She skips towards me and jumps onto my bed before she starts rambling useless apologies.

"I'm sorry Bella! So sorry for overreacting! If I had known what was happening, I would have stayed. I should have been here. I'm so so-"

"Natalie!" I interrupt; she has no reason to apologise. "Please don't apologise, it's my fault," I sigh, "I shouldn't have placed my anger on you."

She smiles in response.

There is no need to say anything else about it; she has already forgiven me.

"Why were you screaming?" She suddenly asks, "Bad dreams?"

"You have no idea," I answer back with a sigh as I begin to recall everything that's happened while she was gone.

"This doctor is crazy," she tries to laugh, but it's shaky at best and her face is even paler than it usually is, but that's not the only thing.

She's biting her nails; she only bites her nails when she's stressed.

"What is it?" I ask, my panic peaking again as I push back the stray pieces of hair that are covering my face.

"Oh it's nothing," she flicks her hand nonchalantly, "that guy is just a psycho!" She smiles but it is laced with alarm and comes out as a grimace, but I let it go; allowing the hurt to linger over me.

We never kept secrets.

"Where were you?" I ask curiously.

"Huh?" Her eyes widen innocently in an attempt to pretend she didn't hear me.

"Where were you?" I'm persistent.

"Oh yeah, I just had some business." Her grin is hesitant and I swallow the hurt to wash over me yet again.

Knocks begin to resonate against the door as it unlocks and my hands begin to clam up as I look at Natalie with alarm.

"It's time for breakfast," a nurse pops her head through the door, "would you like me to escort you to the kitchen?" She asks politely but her constantly shifting gaze says otherwise; she doesn't want to stay with here with me any longer than necessary.

"No thanks," I stand up as Natalie follows suit and we make our way to the kitchen.

'_Dr. Cullen_'

My heart jumps then pounds in my chest as I pass his office, and I can't help but hope that his door isn't open. I don't want to get a glimpse of the man the plagues my nightmares or better yet, if _he_ gets a glimpse of _me_.

It's closed.

I sigh in relief.

I glance at Natalie and she has the same relieved expression as we enter the kitchens in silence.

The room is filled with patients and guards and I instantly recoil as I pass them, pick up a tray and get my breakfast. I'm not hungry, so I just pick up some cereal and make my way to the back table.

I feel his gaze long before I looked up and meet it.

His strangely empty eyes continue to bore into me. Seemingly sensing my discomfort, the corners of his mouth pull into a smile before he leaves the room.

"Stay away from him Bella," Natalie whispers beside me, "trust me, he's a mad man."

I nod in agreement.

* * *

It's just after lunch when they call us all to the sofa room. I have taken to staying in my room with Natalie as far away from Dr. Cullen and his stares as possible during the day.

It feels safer there; even though I know that it's not.

We are all congregated in the room when Dr. Cullen begins to speak.

"Everyone," he gestures behind him, "this is Edward, and he has generously volunteered to play piano for you all. We hope that he will be able help bring an aura of calm around here with his playing." His announcement is short and precise.

A young man with a shock of copper hair steps in front of him and offers an awkward smile and a wave. Clearly he did not volunteer to do this at his own free will.

We all mumble our greetings in response as he turns around and pulls on a sheet covering a sleek black piano. How did I not notice that before?

But my inner musings are interrupted when he begins to play.

It's a sweet melody that echoes against the walls, seemingly making the voices that were a constantly playing in the back of my head just cease to exist.

It's silent.

Just that melody; it takes over my entire being as I stare in bewilderedness. It is as if his playing sparks the pause button and as soon as he stops, he hits play and the voices lingering in the back of my head come flooding back into he forefront of my mind.

I don't even register the applause as I stand there in shock.

He turns around and smiles sheepishly at us all.

We make eye contact and his smile falters slightly before he quickly glances back at Dr. Cullen who is staring back at him. They seem to share a look between each other before they both stare back at me.

At the same time.

A sickly smile begins to form at the corners of Dr. Cullen's mouth as they both continue to stare at me a fraction of a second longer than necessary.

It's as if they have a plan for me; both of them.

It's not safe here; I need to get away.

Now.

And that's when I run.

**A/N- Thank you for the reviews/faves/follows! I hope you guys like this chapter :)**

**Reviews and constructive criticism is much appreciated!**


	6. Chapter 5

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_A/N- Changed the title to "I'm not Sick, I Swear" what do you guys think?_**

_See my dreams all die_

_From where you're standing_

_On your own_

_It's so quiet here_

_And I feel so cold_

_This house no longer_

_Feels like home_

Nikisha Reyes-Pile ft. Ben Cocks - So Cold

**Chapter 5**

"Don't" she says.

I carry on running.

"Just stop, I'll explain later. Please just stop," she sighs, "you're not thinking straight, do you even know where the exit is?" Natalie asks, exasperated.

The realisation makes my steps falter.

Where is the exit?

That brief hesitation provides the guard with the opportunity to seize hold of my arm. I fruitlessly attempt to tug my arm out of his grasp, but he only chuckles in response.

"And where do you think you're going little lady?" He sneers, sheer dominance emanating out of every pore.

"I uh-"

"Say you need to go to the bathroom," she calmly orders.

"I, I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" I shriek, he doesn't look very convinced, "I'M BURSTING!" I add for emphasis, bouncing from one leg to the other.

_Left right left right._

He immediately loosens his hold on my arm as his cheeks start to take on a pinkish hue.

He's embarrassed.

I hear snickering behind me. It's Natalie; I know it is.

I quickly glance back and catch a glimpse of her shaking her head at my 'overacting'. She always said I wasn't a good actress.

"Oh well off you go," he laughs nervously, scratching the back of his head before walking in the _other _direction. Huh, what a coincidence.

I immediately rush to my room to find the door partially open.

_Weird, I don't remember leaving it open behind me_.

But I don't have time to think about that because Natalie is livid.

"What were you thinking Bella?!" She shouts, pacing the room as I fall onto the bed, "you need to plan these things! You can't just run around like that. We will make a plan to get you out of here, but it's going to take some time." She's pinching the bridge of her nose now, the precise image of frustration.

She keeps pacing.

I guess it's her way of letting her frustration out. But she needs to know why we have to leave right now. We've got to. It's not safe here anymore. Who am I kidding, it was_ never_ safe here.

"Natalie, I have to tell you something," I whisper, my expression grave. She stops her irrational pacing at the sight of my features and nods for me to continue. "When _he _was playing the piano," I can't bring myself to say his name, "I can't really explain it properly, but the voices just stopped."

"Stopped?" She asks, her expression incredulous.

"Yes," I nod in assurance, "I have no idea how or why, but it happened and for the first time in my life, I didn't have to pretend to ignore the constant buzzing in the back of my mind because there was nothing to _ignore_. They were g_one_."

_They were gone._

Saying it out loud makes it all seem so real. Like choosing not to acknowledge it earlier only masked the reality of what had happened and I feared that I wouldn't understand it all.

I feared that I would _never_ understand it.

She sits down next to me without a word. She doesn't have to say anything; there is nothing she can say to explain it. She is as confused about it as I am, and yet, her silence provides me with so much more assurance than any of her words ever could.

* * *

It's schizophrenia with a mild case of depression.

Well that's what I've been diagnosed with.

I'm in his office for a meeting where he informs me of the medicine I'm prescribed with, prolixin they call it, with antidepressants for my depression.

"You'll only be able to take the prolixin with food or milk," he states with an aura of professionalism before he starts to list off the possible side effects of both medicines.

I nod at the appropriate times, just waiting for the manic look to cloud over his eyes yet again.

But they don't.

They remain that icy colour, masking his inner frenzy in an ocean of such calm blue.

Even his eyes lie.

When he finishes, he dismisses me with a flick of his hand and that is it. No probing questions about the voices, no inexplicable statements, nothing.

It's just like that. So easy.

Too easy.

It's when I'm in the hall outside of his office that a piercing pain at the top of my head sharply rips me out of my confused daze.

Then I'm _falling falling falling._

I land on the ground with a thud.

"I'm really sorry about that!" I peer up into the mossy green eyes of _him _the piano player, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," I mumble in response. My instincts are shouting for me to get away '_go go go' _they say.

"Let me help you up," he says, offering his hand, "I'm Edward."

I get up without his help.

He drops his hand awkwardly.

_Go go go._

I nod in response then swiftly turn around and walk to my room. Every fibre of my being is aching for me to sprint, but I can't. No, don't be obvious. He mustn't know that I'm onto him.

Him and Dr. Cullen and whatever they have planned for me.

"What's your name?" He's trailing behind me now.

_Go go go._

I see my room and quicken my pace, but he's still behind me. I can feel his gaze boring holes in the back of my head.

I mustn't be too obvious remember.

"Natalie," I say the first name that I can think of whilst glancing back at him. A flash of surprise rapidly takes over his features before he composes it into an easy smile.

I look away; why was he so surprised? Does he know my actual name?

He must have.

Dr. Cullen must have told him. Maybe he also told him to talk to me.

What are they planning?

I quickly enter my room and slam the door behind me without a word, meeting the eyes of a rather confused Natalie lounging on my bed where the realisation dawned on me.

_I really shouldn't have told him that my name was Natalie. _

**A/N- Sorry for the late update! Thank you for the reviews, faves and follows! What do you guys think of this chapter? Please review and tell me what you think!  
Have any of you guys ever read the book Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell? Read it last week and the book is amazing! Definitely recommend it!**


	7. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**_

_And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away_

_But your ghost, the ghost of you_

_It keeps me awake_

Ghost – Ella Henderson

**Chapter 6**

Sometimes when I'm dreaming I hear it. It's the voices; they become more tangible, more manageable. I can understand what they're saying sometimes.

This is one of those nights.

It starts out normal, a constant buzzing in the background of the dream, then one voice, one clear voice rises above the rest.

Normally it would be a phrase, a bit confusing, but not alarming.

"Finish all your crumbs, don't leave any behind," they'd say phrases like that. It was confusing as hell, but didn't frighten me at all.

Tonight it's different though.

"Watch out for the man in the white jacket," it's a woman's voice; her alarmed tone almost wakes me from my slumber.

It doesn't though and I see her. I actually see her face, it's heart-shaped and surrounded by caramel coloured hair cascading down her shoulders. Her eyes are a piercing jade colour with old laugh lines that are now morphed into a frown and she's reaching for me.

"He has a plan, don't fall for it. Promise me!" Her voice, like screeches resonate against my eardrums as I reach to take her outstretched hand. I was close to touching her hand, I swear, but was met with a shock instead, immediately jolting me from my slumber.

Awake now, I realize Natalie is not here.

* * *

"What happened?" It's morning when Natalie finally comes to the room from wherever she was. I don't want to tell her as she is keeping so many secrets from me, but I can't keep it to myself.

"I had a weird dream Nat," I quickly burst out as she tilts her head to the side, "It was this lady that I've never seen before and she said something really strange – 'watch out for the man in the white jacket.'" Her expression suddenly darkens as she takes it in and rushes towards me in such panic that is so unlike her usual composed self.

"Did you see her? What did she look like Bella? You need to remember this," she breathes out.

"Uh, caramel coloured hair, sharp green eyes," I hazardously run my fingers through my limp hair, confused, "Why is what she looks like so important?"

"Oh it's nothing," She says with a small grin and I instantly know she's lying again, "but I would listen to her though." Her eyes, so wise beyond her years, grow rigid.

"We need to get out of here."

* * *

_Just clap and smile Bella, clap and smile._

It's just after lunch again and he has just finished playing the same melody. Last time, the shock of not hearing the voices had startled me so that I did not recognise the familiarity of the song.

But it's when he's finished playing and when we are all clapping that I remember.

_Flashback_

"_Am I doing this right, Mommy?" I ask innocently, my stubby fingers are resting on the keys of the sleek black piano as I look up at my mother sitting beside me. _

"_Yes darling, you are doing excellently." Even at a young age, I know that she is just trying to placate me, but I can't help grinning anyways. _

"_Would you play it again for me mommy?" I ask her again, she smiles back and nods before turning to the piano and playing the sweet melody that I had heard so many times, but had never failed from putting me in a trance._

"_Good, I hope this will make you forget her," She whispers and I open my eyes looking up at her with my childhood gaze that is all confusion._

"_Her? Who's her?" I ask giggling at my silly mommy, shaking my head._

"_Good," she grins, "You're forgetting her already."_

_XXX_

"Natalie?" A hand on my shoulder jerks me out of my daydream and I'm met with his piercing green eyes. "Are you alright?" He asks.

He is all concern and kindness and he makes me sick.

It's the song. Both of the songs are the same. He knows something.

"I'm fine," I don't bother smiling as I turn around and all but run to the room.

* * *

It's well past midnight I am sure when the idea comes to mind.

I want to learn the song; maybe I can make the voices stop myself, I think as I jump out of the flimsy bed before I change my mind and open the door.

_Weird, it isn't locked. Why isn't it locked?_

I ponder over the reasons as I make my way to the room where the piano lies, covered by the white sheet. Once I'm sure no one is around, I pull on the white sheet and am amazed at the beauty and familiarity of the black glossy piano up close. I can't help running my fingers over the top as I sit down.

As soon as my fingers touch the keys though, I start to remember. Bits and pieces float in my mind like a jigsaw puzzle, but I just can't seem to connect the dots.

I can feel my frustration building with each wrong note.

_Wrong wrong wrong_

_It's all wrong wrong wrong_

"Why can't I get this right?" I hiss out, pulling on the ends of my hair and stand up to leave but stop as I sense a figure behind me.

"Who's there?" I freeze as I recognise the voice.

It's him.

**A/N- Sorry about the late update! Who do you think it is? I read all of the reviews and make sure to reply, so constructive criticism is welcome.**

**Also, I am one of the nominees for the Twific Fandom Awards!**

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**Thanks!**


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